. our love so sweet .

2010-01-25T23:54:00.001+08:00

embeddedlove.livejournal.com

2010-01-20T21:12:00.002+08:00

Does it mean,
when you keep presents for your past relationships,
that you still feel for the person?

Or issit just me who is thinking too much,
causing misery for myself?

I don't know if the 3months thing is making me act like a retard.
Or if the cause lies with something else.

Maybe we got too close before anything,
and that spoilt everything.

I felt so used to having someone so close,
and yet still have fun at clubs,
going out with friends of both genders without having to answer anyone.

But after the relationship became official,
I have to put consideration into everything I do.

But, you see the dilemma?

In both cases,
the opposite party is you.
And that makes it hard for me.
Because you never used to care
and suddenly I have got to answer you because it is my responsibility to.

I wonder,
if it is because i can get away with misdeeds
and therefore it's ruining our relationship.

I wonder, if i'm paranoid because i act like that or just based on the fact that i don't trust you.

I just wish thing's could fall into place so normally for me.

Like how Jingwei trusts Joseph and they can plan outings and go out happily and talk to one another about anything and how she can tease him and how they would laugh at each other.

Like how Javey and Haiqal spends so many hours together, driving around and talking to each other on msn and tease each other on facebook. The way she looks at him like he's the prince charming that she ha been waiting for.

I don't know about you
but this relationship just feels so weird for me.
I don't know what is wrong.
The fact that i cannot believe we're together?
Or, the fact that you value stuffs that i think should be let go that makes me insecured?
Or, how you managed to hide stuffs from me and now I am paranoid.

I've been through being cheated on,
been through violence,
been through more than what most people think.
Maybe you're right,
it's some kinda psychological problem.

But it's not affecting my friendships,
only my relationship with you.

I really wonder what can be done to make the both of us feel better.
I really wanna know.

2010-01-17T11:32:00.002+08:00

I'm really sorry.
From the bottom of my heart.

I feel like I need someone to talk to right now.
For unconsciously hurting someone
I really didn't mean to
I just..

A friend's a friend.
No matter what you're still my friend.

Because you are always so cheerful,
because you never seem to mind
because I don't think you should care about what others think.
because you've got supportive friends and i definitely am one of them.
because i feel for you after knowing how you felt all this while.

I'm sorry i couldn't be the one you could turn to
I'm sorry for saying things that i shouldn't have
I'm sorry that I didn't bother to think before i speak because I didn't think that was a problem at all
I'm really sorry that I wasn't a great friend at all.

But no matter what,
You've got my support.
I love you all the same.
I bet all the other people would share the same sentiments.

2009-12-02T21:14:00.001+08:00

I have slowly let my guard down.
And feel more like what i should feel.
Suddenly,
You gotta make that kinda statement.

I feel pressurised .
Makes me feel you are comparing.
I know she's like better in every way.
But,
I didnt pull you over.

I told you from the start.

I KNOW I CAN'T COMPARE TO HER OKAY?

Think it through.

I wanted to forget about the 3mths thing.
But i guess..
It's still on.

Suddenly,
We do not match again.

2009-12-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY ONE MONTH DARLING.
surprised. really.
so cute =)

ily.

2009-11-30T00:27:00.003+08:00

why is it that when a person likes someone,
and that someone likes someone else,
den the person will feel that the someone else is so lucky..

but..
the someone else doesn't even care
that this someone actually feels something for him..

and places his feelings on another.

ending up with this someone feeling that the another is lucky..

and the cycle goes on.

2009-11-27T00:28:00.002+08:00

I guess its just a feeling you're never gonna be able to give me.
Then, it shall just be a relationship i don't think i can maintain.

It may just be little things that happen.
But i've grown to be wary of every of your little actions.
True, it's because we were nth.

But thanks to all that's happened and said that i sort of imagine the kinda person you are.
You still ain't someone i can trust.
Sadly, because of this,
I do not want to give it my all.

2months more and i'll decide again.
Till then, i hope nth's gonna chg my current decision to stay.

2009-11-26T16:11:00.003+08:00

Still feeling weird.
Stomach weird, head weird.
But i think i'm okay leh!
I dunno =(

walao..
supposed to enjoy my hari raya haji
i dunno why gotta be sick like now.
I still think i'm fine though.

blah.
i wanna rest but i ain't tired.
i took my medicine alrd
but still feels like there's a hurricane in my stomach -.-

I hate being at home.
The fcuker was at it again
Except the target this time was my bro.
WTH seriously.

I think i should go take a bath and try to rest.

Someone's not taking care of me properly.
I haven't visited the doctor for like 2 years alrd?
Break my record sia.
The doctor said it was stomach virus -.-

Stupid virus.
Causing nausea and fever.
luckily they're gone for the moment =)
okay.
bath-time.

2009-11-20T08:38:00.002+08:00

OMG.

The fucker is being so irritating.
So what if your money?
Please luh,
korkor paid for my sch fees for this sem first -.-

You got money?
FUCKYOU!
If you got money,
problems would not arise luh.

With money,
you will liddat?
Piece of shit.

Stop accusing me luh fucker.
What wanna get married?
Please luh,
I did not say that.

You are the one simply assuming luh.
You think I what?
Itching to let ppl fuck ah?
BLOODYHELL.

Den shout shout shout,
being a nuisance.
You are the one who didn't wanna let me come home.

I dunno what the fuck you are talking about.
Since when i say i don't wanna study?
FUCK LUH.

It's not as if i never study,
please luh.

FUCKYOU.

DAMNIT.
YOU'RE BEING A PAIN IN THE ASSES OF EVERYONE.

Whatever that comes out of your mouth makes no fucking sense.
All shit.
No wonder your mouth STINKS.
LOL.

No wonder you got no friends.
PATHETIC.

I wonder how many will attend your funeral.
HAHA.

GO AND DIE LUH.
THE WORLD WILL BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE WITHOUT YOU.

2009-11-10T00:35:00.001+08:00

FUCKUP again.

SERIOUSLY.

2009-11-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

Lesson learnt but always forgotten:
Don't expect so much,
only then will your disappointment be minimal.

Raising your expectations gives you hope.
And when something happens to dash that hope,
you feel something weird within.

Disappointments are bound to happen,
but how many times does one have to face them?
That would depend on oneself,
as well as the people around.

Just a mere point of view.
If 2012 contains doomsday,
i sure hope to get married like right now.

2009-11-07T12:03:00.002+08:00

Rena's surprise was a failure!
but it was a joke as well.
the looks on our faces
should be priceless.
LOL.

so now there's only one left in HOD that have not hit 19.
MICHIE!
soon though.
hahas.

Gonna catch MJ afterwards.
excited!
lalas.

I realise that my secondary school friends make me feel happy!
hahas.
man, i miss secondary school luh.

looks like the girls in my class are all taken -.-
3 official ones.
and 1 underground one.
in my opinion.

okay.
i got a shoulderache.

2009-11-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

i do not have a good feeling about this.

2009-10-14T17:05:00.002+08:00

FALSE ALARM.
like always.
HAHA.
what a joke.

between couples, break break break.
between MARRIED couples, divorce divorce divorce.

WHATEVER.

got a replacement for evening's q-length.
cos i felt shitty just now.
like cough cough, and stupidly got runny nose

now i'm stuck.
TO CLUB OR NOT?

oh man.
but i alrd agreed to!
=((
but..
i can hear my head throb =((

2009-10-10T13:35:00.003+08:00

word = DIVORCE
action = i dunno what
circumstance = confused children
outcome = disastrous/same old

heard it many times throughout my 19years.
always came from dad
never gave it much thought.
mum talked to me ydae.

i thought it would be alright
everything was settled
i even wasn't so angry about the msg i read
cos i somehow just wanna believe that it really is a guy

woke up this morn
dad came home from the market
without mum
and mentioned the word.

okay,
so now what?
mum refuses to come home
breathing some fresh air i guess

says she has made up her mind.
issit just rashness on her part or what?
something said in a moment of anger?
test of time?

i really am starting to lose faith
like,
i have this feelings that relationships never work out
and relationships don't last.

can we just have children without marriage?
since relationships do not last,
den why bother marriage right?

argh fuck.
i can't wait to get out of the house.
forever like that.

said this before
saying it again
because it's always happening.

been busy for the whole week.
v tired.

can't even have peace at home.
and i still get questioned
"this house v bad uh? why you always like to go out?"
you guys should know better ain't it?

not a time that there's no quarrels uh?
i dunno how long this on-off war is going to last between you 2.

children's votes do not count during a decision of divorce.
we're not the ones to make the decision.
it's not right.
it's between the both of you.

goodluck to us.

2009-09-29T19:06:00.002+08:00

Know which part i liked the most?
When i played "Hush hush" and said "This song's for you."

But you said "Wo ye you."
And played "Be with you."

2009-09-29T16:29:00.002+08:00

Let go of the past.
Face the present with a smile.
And look forward to the future.

Gonna learn to trust again.
People should always be given second chances?

Although at some point of time,
the facts would just come chasing,
haunting me.

But you could give me a chance.
Why can't I?

Whoever came up with the phrase "Revenge is Sweet?"

I think of plotting a revenge,
and i imagine how horrible the outcome would be.

Hurt .
Who hasn't been hurt before?

But instead of pushing ALL the blame to others,
take a moment to ponder.
Maybe some fault lies with you.

I decided that this was my fault.
My fault my fault.
All my fault.

Anyway,
i guess it takes a long time to understand someone.
And it isn't easy trying to some to terms with the person's habit, behaviour, actions, words and whatever that's connected to them.
Especially when the person means something to you.
You can get irritated just by a lil action of his/hers
Or get affected by just a lil something he says.

When someone does something,
it usually accompanies a good intention.
Especially when that someone loves you.

However,
with different mindsets,
the interpretation might be wrong,
leading to arguments and disputes between the 2.

In such instances,
both must speak their minds,
allow the other to uds what's going on.
Preventing misunderstandings,
preventing unnecessary quarrels.

Whatever the case,
anyone needs a mediator,
FELICIA QUEK's here.
HAHAs.
whatever luh.

I need a mediator myself at times.

2009-09-23T13:15:00.003+08:00

i dont know why you're doing this to me.
i don't know why you gotta bluff me like this.
is it me?
or what?

why you wanna torture me like this?
why?
if you're not interested,
just let me go.

why do you want to keep me tied to you,
when you're not interested at all?

why do you want to keep me there,
just so that you can make me suffer?

why tell me all lies?
i really am trying hard to understand.
but i just cant.

nobody i talk to will be able to give me advices
because none of them are like you.

everyone's saying just forget it
but you're not allowing me.
WHY?

why don't you wanna let me just let it go,
when you don't really want me at all?

do you know how it feels like being me?
everywhere i go,
i think of you.

even ydae,
we went to dhoby.
the first thing i thought of,
was to walk over to that shop,
and see if there are any suitable materials for the scrapbook
i was supposed to help you with.

and den i scolded myself
and i got scolded by someone else as well.

it hurts so bad.
because the someone who scolded me doesn't really know me well
but still,
his concern was so genuine that i was almost touched to tears.
even though he was sorta shouting at me,
but it wasn't hatred that i felt,
but actually some warmth.

thanks to you,
i realise that there are so many ppl who are actually there for me.

JAVEY!
i really appreciate all the company you've given me.
really.
i dunno how to describe.
just..
THANK YOU.
LOVEs.

once i think about the moment i heard your voice on the phone,
seriously..

just tell me the truth.
i wanna hear the truth!
i wanna noe the truth!

why can't you just tell me?
why?

i can't sleep at night
even though i'm so tired.
not sleeping well every night.

trying to escape everyday,
till my father's gonna ban me from going out.
but i really feel very xinku at home.

REALLY.
FUCK.

i know it's so stupid,
because humans are so stupid.

and i'm a typical stupid human,
who thinks that by torturing yourself,
you wouldn't feel that hurt.

drinking, smoking, everything that's gonna harm my body,
i wanna try.
I WANNA TRY.

2009-09-15T22:49:00.002+08:00

LOOOONG time since i typed here.

i dunno why
always plan to do this
but i always fail
hais.

actually i know luh
because the opposite party is you.

you're a cheater.
i hate it.
i really made up my mind to just let go
but you just wouldn't let me.

always making me have that kinda feeling
always dangling in mid air
having that short thrill
like when on a roller coaster ride.

why can't your attitude be consistent?
why must it fluctuate according to situations?

why must i feel weird when you reply SOOO slowly?
can i not be so sensitive towards all this?

but i'm afraid the day that i really do not feel this way,
would be the day that the feelings really have flown away.

but they're not flying away.
no they're not.
and it seems like they're here to stay.

how about yours?

2009-09-03T00:10:00.001+08:00

would anyone tell me,
is this worth it?

2009-08-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

HEYPEOPLE!
seriously,
if you've got a problem with me,
say it to my face,
OKAY?

FUCK.
i dont like it when you wanna act all nice and okay with me
but actually feel this and that.

don't you think this will result in alot of misunderstandings?
especially if it is one in the very first place.

if you do not make yourself clear at the very beginning,
den who are you to insult others like that at the end?

what's up man.
any idea what's the difference between trying to leak out your secret and PLAYING A FOOL?
AMITHABA.
you know what's the best part?
i didn't even know it was real.
and i didn't know that it was a secret that wasn't meant to be shared.

it would have helped if you clarified yourself in the first place.

so FRIENDS,
if you've really got something with me,
don't be talking behind my back
or secretly hating me for something done without ill-intentions

FUCK.
i do not do stuffs with ulterior motives like that.
if i really knew what was going on,
i wouldn't be so open about it
esp when the oppo party is a person like you.
who's kinda petty if you didnt realise.
and also kinda jumping to conclusions
and simply accusing others other than me.

i bet you were secretly enjoying the teasing
and den after all the enjoyment,
come and point fingers at me.

STAY AWAY FROM ME IF YOU FUCKING DON'T LIKE ME ALRIGHT.
I DON'T NEED HYPOCRITE FRIENDS LIKE YOU.

SERIOUSLY!

2009-08-28T03:08:00.002+08:00

Trying my best to concentrate
absorb whatever i can
to apply whatever that is required.

But my thoughts just keeps wondering back to you.

Any idea how difficult that is?

It's a lil past 3am.
and i'm still awake.

Trying to study with the little amount of time left.
I really wanna fall asleep.
I'm really v tired =(

But I can't
because i'm not done with fmb.

and the thoughts of you are hindering my process.
was it really that hard?
to just press new message and send?

Maybe I'm expecting too much..
But, do you think just a message is too demanding?

I really dunno.

You know what it feels like,
when your phone doesn't ring.
and you keep waiting and waiting,
telling yourself that it will.
and you realise in the end that you were just bluffing yourself.

Sure,
all kinds of reasons can come up.
But too tired to even send one,
at least to make someone feel better.
you definitely didn't sound like that.

Last time i self-deceived.
Now,
still going to?

It's getting harder for me to.

Maybe this time it'll be for real.

2009-08-26T05:58:00.002+08:00

How could this happen to me,
I've made my mistakes,
got nowhere to run,
life goes on,
it's like i'm fading away
I'M SICK OF THIS LIFE
i just wanna SCREAM
how could this happen to me.

urgh.

just feeling v pissed.
studying since 9pm.
haven't caught a wink of sleep.

logged onto FB,
saw some stupid stuffs
and a FUCKING DISGUSTING picture
i dunno if that's who made me feel so bad on the 1st aug.

but if she is,
she's fucking disgusting
and i'm fucking fed up now.

you should just change your pw
so that i cant log in anymore
hais.

and then,
always when i wanna trust you,
suan le.

always saying me,
restricting me,
how bout yourself ?

FUCK THE I GIRL LUH.
MAKING ME PISSED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

2009-08-17T11:03:00.000+08:00

My lappy crash :((
So at the wrong time.
Hais..
Jap test later.

Plant safety tml !
Asate - plant design
Omg.
So dead so dead.

Birthday's on fri!
But i guess it won't be as sweet as last yr's.
So nothing much to look forward to.
Forced mummy and siblings
To watch UP with me ydae. Lols

Ehh.
It's a damn good cartoon!
LOVEs.
So much bettee than MVA. Seriously!

Anyway, horrible dream last night
Hais.
Again?
Man, it's all wrong.

Hais.
Cos of paranoid-ness?
Perhaps.

Once a lie,
Always a lie?

Once unfaithful,
Always unfaithful?

Once hurt,
Always hurt?

Once bitten,
Twice shy.

Careful you.
Walk away?

Maybe.

2009-08-14T00:12:00.002+08:00

it's okay :)
I'm afraid of commitments too.
No promises
Doesn't matter :)

As long as you're happy
We shall remain like this
Shall we?

2009-08-12T21:40:00.002+08:00

HEYPEEPS!

the long weekend in ipoh was fun fun!

lalalas.

took the bus on friday night,

reached at about 6plus in the morn

boat-ed to pangkor island

taxi-ed to pray.

basically taxi-ed everywhere luh

prayed twice,

climbed mini great wall of china

toured the island.

went to visit the beach in the evening.

planned to banana boat the next morn.

the speedboat price was ridiculous luh

RM100 per half hour.

like omg.

oh!

there's a mini mount akina there!

hahas.

but damn loads of houseflies. omg.

mahjong-ed till wee hours in the morn.

GF luh!

jus throw me there and then i lost so much to his bro and niece -.-

i suck at mj.

lols.

sat morn,

forced to wake by gf''s mummy.

hahas. banana boat plan pao tang

cos not enough time

went to pray,

eat, and it was back to the boat

float to ipoh.

checked into the hotel,

bathed,

off to shopping.

forgot the name of the mall though.

the feeling just wasn't right luh.

like,

not in the mood for shopping.

cos i kept thinking of thailand thailand and more thailand.

so gotta control luh.

cannot spend.

later javey hate me for not having money for thailand.

lols.

dinner

den off to kbox.

afterwhich, 8 of us squeeZed into the mini car to the pub.

POOR GF, RIGHT! =p

huo gai ah ni. lalalas.

disco-ed after that.

OOOOOH THE SMOKE!

man, my hair stink-ed like some ash tray afterwards when we went back to the hotel.

but we were too tired luh

so we just fell asleep.

that was special.

hehe. feel the love!

3plus sleep,

6plus wake.

my eyes couldn't even open!

but somehow i managed to wake luh.

breakfast,

den back to hotel,

take stuffs,

and off to the coach back to sg!

short and brief,

cos the detailed one will probably spoil your eyes.

too long staring at the comp screen see..

anyway.....

it wasn't as romantic luh.

cos it obviously wasn't supposed to feel so.

but i still enjoyed it.

you were kinda protective when we were at the disco

were you?

but i dun like the fact that the guy keeps pulling you away!

to see some ........

tsk!

but anyway,

i still like luh.

hahas.

okay,

some feelings are meant to be kept to oneself.

hehe.

javey! i can't wait to go to thailand!

but i still scared!

hahas.

if gf doesn't wanna go.......

3 girls really damn dangerous!

mayb we'll consider gary's package then okay?

=))))))

ireallyhaveawholeworldoffeelings

shuttightinthiscontainerofmineinmyheart

constantlypoundingonthewalls

waitingforthedayitcanallbeletout

withoutworries

givemethepower

tosetthemfree

willyou?

2009-08-06T01:07:00.001+08:00

If you really don't know,

Because i'll miss you.

2009-08-06T00:27:00.004+08:00

almost all my friends are attached!

they shall contribute and play their part

to overcome singapore's ageing population

lols.

cher said that we each have to reproduce 10 kids

in order to overcome this issue

how sia.

mother pig leh.

i'm scared of giving birth to 1

omg. 10!

gf''s mum was so cute.

upon the mentioning of going to thailand tgt,

she said

''bu yao 2 go, 3 come back.''

lols.

girlfriend girlfriend girlfriend.

when will i have the courage to have a boyfriend instead?

and then,

i shall do my part and contribute as well.

hahahahahas.

okay crap.

i really really wanna call you mine =(

but i really really don't have the guts

cos you really really make me feel insecured

especially when i really really have fallen for you.

2009-08-04T23:11:00.001+08:00

congrats javey =))

i'ma happy for you girl!

but on another note:

call me paranoid.

i think i'm childish.

a relationship is gonna be nothing without trust.

we're not gonna ba happy.

trust me.

2009-08-03T01:37:00.002+08:00

its the 300th post.

and its not a happy one.

because she's even more afraid than ever right now.

she really wants to say yes.

but,

something keeps pulling her back.

she knows that it perhaps really was nth

but she just refuses to let it go

that's the prob with her

always so stubborn.

she's afraid it'll happen again

being abandoned.

she doesn't like the feeling

she thought he was busy with his stuff

she thought he wanted time to himself

she thought he needed to be alone

she nv expected what she realised

she's disappointed.

but what can she do?

no amount of tears would do any help.

while working today,

many thoughts crossed her mind.

all the songs that played on the player,

seemed to mean something.

sitting there,

even when the catchy songs came on,

i dunno how she managed to tear.

she wants to trust him

she wants to give him a chance

in fact,

she almost did.

but,

she needs some more time.

can she really?

trust someone again?

but,

what if,

you decided to trust,

and you put all your heart in..

something similar happens..

i doubt you can recover.

it might seem minor.

maybe she's over-reacting.

no idea.

Tonight i've fallen and i can't get up

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

2009-08-01T18:18:00.000+08:00

The more i think,
the more i see,
the more i feel,
that we probably......

是最最不可能才这样吸引待你好只怪是我笨
尽全力难以抱得紧若抱紧明知不会合衬
谁人叫我太贪心要你热吻
盲目地与你说天谈地
这叫做残忍定凄美明知我后退我也可以避
偏偏又放纵到扮你知己
期望你太多注定难过只好怪寂寞令我闯祸
可换到几次期待不需关怀都庆贺
捱下去结果也是难过只有我自问自答
这苦心对或错天与地难以有人可拯救到我
路过几多好人谁也极吸引
但到底只会为你恨
没缘分才会更多心没结果才想你步近
旁人也替我担心替我怒愤
明明是个个也漂亮偏这样沉溺喜欢你
宁愿恨你丧失趣味偏偏又爱上你没法心死
期望你太多注定难过只好怪寂寞令我闯祸
可换到几次期待不需关怀都庆贺
捱下去结果也是难过只有我自问自答
这苦心对或错天与地难以有人可拯救到我
不理力量奉献几多不顾后患尚有几多
喜欢你逃避你你不必知道清楚
期望你太多注定难过只好怪寂寞令我闯祸
可换到几次期待不需关怀都庆贺
捱下去结果也是难过只有我自问自答
这苦心对或错天与地难以有人可拯救到我
天再大唯有你能亲手杀死我

2009-08-01T17:05:00.000+08:00

Still reading the damn article!
=(((((
lifeless.

mixed emotions.

sitting here.
once sat here before,
sitting here again.

different feelings?
or the same?

stronger?
weaker?
happier?
scared.

tsk.

think, scared.
dun think, think again.
think, scared again.
dun think again.
think think again.

what's wrong?
hais.
jus pretend you dunno what's betrayal
pretend you dunno what's jealousy
pretend you dunno what's sad
pretend you dunno what's cheating
pretend you dunno the feeling of being hurt

just understand love
just know about caring
embrace the love that is willing to be given to you
without queries.

dun be quick to judge.
dun be scared.
what's yours would be yours.
right?

2009-08-01T14:55:00.000+08:00

FUCK.

i so got no motivation to do any work
and i've got no idea why.

farking hell.
it's only 3 more weeks to EST.

i dunno what the hell you're thinking.
can you fucking put the more impt things first?

trying to read the bloody baffling article
but dunno what the fuck is going on.

oh shit yourself.
create so many problems
and den you got no mood for anything towards the end of the sem.
distracted during lessons and what not.
DAMNIT.

hais.
i dunno what the hell luh.

=((

2009-07-27T01:20:00.000+08:00

我很难受
很辛苦
我需要你

because i noe you can make me feel better.
only you can.
your hug alone.
is enough.
i need your shoulders again.

Indecisive
Lonely
Only
Very
Extraordinary
Youthful
Opposing
Understand.

but i'm scared =((

2009-07-26T22:02:00.000+08:00

Finally my blogger hao liao!
but irritating.
i can't change font,
can't change font colour!

what's happening?
dunno.

maybe same thing that's happening to my heart.
there can only be one.
you know it.

one kinda font,
one kinda colour.

colours brighten your life though you know?
but,
too many choices,
and you'll be stuck.

do you not agree with me?

my heart of stone overpowered the heart of clouds .

i dunno if it was made clear enough
cos,
i don't think i phrased it all clearly.

hopefully,
you understand,
i really didn't mean to hurt anyone.
i really didn't wish to.

i'm really sorry.
i know nothing i say will help
that's why i just said i'm sorry.
i really am.
i wasn't playing with your feelings
i swear.

it's just that...
maybe it just doesn't fit.
we aren't meant to be.
thank you for all that you've done for me.

sending me to sch early in the morn
even though you slept at like 5.
coming to fetch me home
even thou you were so tired.
giving in to my addiction to jubeats
spending unnecessary money on me
i'm really grateful.
even though it may be just merely a month,
but you've brought joy to me
half a year's worth of joy
in just a month.
i'll not forget you.
the way i made you tear.
i'm sorry.
the way you looked when i said words which were obviously v hurting
i'm sorry.
it's hurting me.
just thinking about the times we spent together
the times when you accompanied me while i studied,
while i worked.
you never complained.
never was angry with me.
i really appreciate everything.
but i dun wanna spend time with you,
while thinking of someone else.
i dunno how to please 2 people at one point of time.

they call me a player =((
i dunno why.
i dunno how to two time.
i can't tell 2 ppl i miss them at the same time.
i can't talk to one without feeling guilty about the other.
why call me a player?
why say that i'm playing with guys?
i really seem that way to you ppl?
that cheap?

any idea how hard it is for me?
i didn't ask for this.

seriously.

i need a hug =((

2009-07-25T14:16:00.003+08:00

Now there isn't even a box for me =(
everything's cocked up.

But i think last night helped me make my decision
did it?
it still feels better in your arms.
nope, you never made me feel that way before.

last night was the first
and i'm kinda surprised that you're capable of that too
cos you never were like that before.

is this gonna be e start of something?
if this were true,
it's gonna mean it's the end of something
it's making me cry =((

i'm sorry.
for all the people i've hurt.
it feels like a punishment right now
a very cruel one.

no wonder mummy always said,
when god wants to punish you,
they usually do not hurt you directly
they do so to your love ones.

den you'd feel even more hurt
cos you see your loved one hurting so badly
and yet you cant do anything about it.

and for my case,
it's even worse.

I guess the old never fades huh.
the feeling's still there.
i thought you were the 49%
i guess i was wrong.

once this decision is made,
another question would have to be answered.

TRUST.
i forgot how to =(

2009-07-25T03:23:00.002+08:00

i dunno what the fuck is wrong with blogger.

but i'm still gonna post anyway.

i'm feeling vexed again

hais.

i tot it has calmed down

but nope

it's back again

i feel like a cheater

i feel v bad

but i can't control it

i dunno how to

i felt that way

and i still feel the same way

i dun wan either one hurting

=((

i noe how it feels .

being hurt

feeling the sour thing in your heart

feeling the stone on ur heart

i still regret

fuck

i dun wanna tear anymore

i dun wanna feel like this

why the fuck must this happen

hais.

mummy said something today

she said' i dun think you'll trust guys anymore'

yupps.

although ive never had this thought

but that statement confirmed my feeling.

i think so.

i think i'm paranoid.

mayb?

the three words.

doesn't seem to move me as much anymore.

i'll always have that doubt that it's fake.

not wanting to put in any real feelings for fear of being hurt again.

that 6months were the most horrible moments

always feeling the stone in my heart

grow heavier and heavier.

right now,

no stones.

but some knots that ought to be removed,

unknotted

i need help.

i really can't do this on my own.

but nobody else can help me except myself

that decision has to be made sooner or later

but now's just not the time

cos i still dun wanna hurt either of you =((

2009-07-21T10:08:00.000+08:00

Blogger is having a fucking problem.

and zul asked me to typ this to get an error message.

2009-07-18T01:31:00.002+08:00

alright.

i'm trying to do the hazop here

although i dun really know how to go about doing it

ermm...

i dunno if my data will aid at all for tml luh

but i'm just gonna try

sorry babes! for the absence tml

but you noe wad?

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

okay, crap.

but if it can't be done tml,

i promise i'll be there on sun okay!

CA2 to be handed in on mon.

teacher's so kind as to give us 3 days grace ald.

anyway,

calculus paper's back today!

shocked luh.

i tot i'd be one of those to get 80+

most satisfied MST results turns out to be calculus

hahas.

what the hell.

but kinda expected luh

i noe i didn't put in effort

too many things going on at that time

though the drama is still ongoing

but it's kinda under control at this point of time

at least i'm not so vexed now

i dunno why.

the results are all so fucked up

but at least i didn't fail any modules.

mummy looked so depressed just now

cos the school stupidly sent me this under85% attendance warning letter

den mummy thought i keep skipping classes

dunno go where gui hun

it was only GEMs luh

i even told her when i wasn't going to attend lessons lor..

haiyo..

she looked so grave when i came back

i thought what happened sia..

so.

plant design - buck up

chem reactions - buck up

fluid mech - buck up

EMII - buck up (i fucking didn't get an a!)

plant safety - though hopeless, buck up

bio? - buck up also (eat more gingko nuts ba)

calculus - KEEP IT UP

the only motivation right now

i hope it has enough energy to last and keep me going.

5 more weeks to EST.

you noe you dun wanna repeat.

you noe you dun wanna do badly.

RIGHT!

so please FUCKING WAKE UP YOUR IDEA.

stop fb-ing, audi-ing

whatever sai game you can find

stop trying to distract yourself from the things that has to be done.

ALRIGHT?

5 weeks only.

Den there's a long break for you.

OKAY?

2009-07-08T23:04:00.002+08:00

OUTING WAS GREAT!

i love my girls =)

sch sucked.

today pull myself out of bed cos got e assignment

finish up by 845

idiots.

not enough sleep luh.

luckily noon caught a glimpse of lala land

but not enough luh!

tml cos of prac mus go sch at 8

WALAO.

damn sians.

data sheet not collected,

data sheet not returned.

URGH.

the truth hurts.

now i uds one point of view of that statement.

caught in a dilemma.

how?

can't come to a conclusion.

i dun wanna hurt anyone =(

why didn't it happen earlier?

why is the timing all so wrong?

why ?

my fault

i'm not handling everything properly

i'm not doing things right.

i've got everything all messed up,

and i've only got myself to blame.

why'd you allow such things to happen?

you waited for coming to half a year.

hahas. why didn't you just wait awhile longer?

why didn't you believe in miracles?

because you lost all hope.

because you never thought it would be this way

because you do not trust yourself

because you look down upon yourself

because you thought you definitely wouldn't and couldn't be

because you were feeling lost

because you didn't wanna feel a fool any longer.

but making that decision

led to another making a decision too

a decision you never thought would be.

leading to this situation now

where all's miserable.

i'm really sorry.

i never meant for it to be this way.

i'm sorry .

i dunno how much more time i need.

i hope it'll be soon.

but i really dun wanna hurt anyone.

2009-07-04T00:16:00.002+08:00

still bu gan yuan that MJ's gone.

but there's nothing that can be done.

oh well,

last paper today

it wasn't as bad as ydae's paper.

ydae's paper sucked.

man. really shit sia.

quality time spent after the paper

so overall today wasn't bad at all.

seriously.

feels like starting all over again

still unsure of some stuffs

feels kinda.. like..

i dunno how to put in words.

but anyway,

next week starting sch le!

damn sians.

ohhh!!

the 8th's coming real soon

REMEMBER OUR DATE NOT GIRLS?

think think where to makan kie?

cant wait .

at least something to look forward to next week.

hehe.

LOVEs.

MUACKs.

2009-06-26T15:35:00.007+08:00

shocked me in the mornin
Kor suddenly sms-ed me and said mj's dead
I was like ?
And den i watched cna

After so many hours,
It still hasn't sinked in
I can't believe it!
He was my first husband =p

At e age of 4,
I was already crazy over him.
I remembered when parents brought me to thailand
Bogus mike was dancing and singing

Innocent me tot it was real mj
I started crying and everything

and daddy had to bring me backstage for a picture afterwardss.

i love heal the world

i love man in the mirror

i love billie jean

i love beat it

i just love everything.

i can't believe he's gone.

that day kor still say,

might be last concert d

but now even last concert also dun have =((

fuck the people hu accuse him of being a child molester

fuck the ppl hu wanted to see his child and den accuse him of wanting to throw the baby down

fuck the ppl hu tried to make his life fucked up.

damn.

1958 - 2009

R.I.P

Michael Joseph Jackson

2009-06-26T00:48:00.002+08:00

WHEW! it's been long since i typed in this puny space of mine.

many things have changed since

and

i juse went fishing today!

i didn't exactly go fish

jus studied ere while some special person fished.

ehhhh

caught a big ikan i tell you!

bout 2kg heavy leh!

not bad.

but i still think the worms are eeky.

like ewwwwwww!

walao.

some more mus squeeze it out from the sand.

BLUEK!

wasn't a conducive place to study thou

cos got many insects. lols.

came home at bout 6plus

but noone was home

damn hungry den i bought pizza, campbell and ice cream

feast sia.

after that became damn full

cos everything was squished into my belly.

heaven thou

esp the ice cream

tee-hee.

studying tml again.

suddenly damn nervous

past 2 weeks play play play

den no mood study d.

last week,

we clubbed 2 days in a row!

amazing not?

WEDNESDAY at BUTTER FACTORY

with a lovely bunch

mich, zl, yh, hy, javey =))

and some other ppl whom javey coincidentally knew. lols.

drama.

THURSDAY at PLAY

off to support KINA

same bunch without yh, sadly.

she doesn't feel comfy going dere.

but we managed to =)

isn't as bad huh.

lols

or was it girls?

anyway, wednesday was one night to remember too.

the 18th of june.

MWAHS.

SPREAD THE LOVE ! ~

2009-06-10T01:17:00.002+08:00

another day without you with me

it's like a blade that cuts right through me.

hais.

i thought it was so,

javey's words confirmed my doubts

bystanders usually have a clearer view of the picture

and i clearly was jus refusing to believe it, right?

2009-06-03T22:57:00.002+08:00

with colours prettier aye?

hehe.

so, went to sch today to start on yet another report

at least we did something

and i went for the stupid talk.

total waste of time.

luckily i didn't go to sch like purposely for it luh

otherwise i'd be like #%^%^&%^&$^

heh.

met mummy at compass point for dinner

mummy was with aunty jessie and vivian.

omg

i ask vivian to gimme her psp.

she say no

i ask for it as bdae present

she say she get me iphone

lols.

so cute.

i wanna get itouch!

i wanna be rich.

always go past begonia road

and den URGH.

cant wait to meet my girls.

this time like finally huiyi's appearing!

hahas.

laughter laughter .

gimme the laughter you girls nv fail to give okay?

LOVEs.

2009-06-02T23:26:00.002+08:00

I CAN MAKE IT ON THE 8TH GIRLs!

=))))))

so anyway,

done with presentation today

up with reports

like totally ewwww.

2 reports not done

and another one comes in

total madness

tml supposedly no sch

lecture and prac cancelled

but thanks to reports

wei loon insists on my presence in sch.

lols

monsters VS aliens on sat!

night at the museum on sun!

and outing with lovelies on mon! =))

i hope the movies would sill be on luh

with nice timings.

i wanna catch the 3D one!

another 3 more days to endure

and den there's our hols.

however, mid-sems right after it.

hols forever dun feel like hols

the end of year one will be attachment

oh my fucking god.

just the thought of it makes me tired.

hey baby my nose is getting big!

i notice it be growing when i been telling them fibs!

pinocchio!

omg.

it's really hard.

2009-06-01T22:00:00.003+08:00

hellos people.

some quick ones.

had camp on fri,

supposedly till sun

but i couldn't take it on sat night

so i cabbed home and spent 25 bucks.

FENNEC FOX AH!

hehe.

this camp not much cheerings luh

my fav part of camps

cos can like shout like siao

and den get sore throat later

but haiyar.

kinda disappointing

anyways,

i tried out rock climbing

and gained myself body aches and a damn blardy BIG

BRUISE!!

MUMMYYYYYYY!

oh well,

studied jap ydae at KFC

and failed cos it was too boring.

watashi wa felicia desu.

watashi wa jukyu sai desu.

not nice right

this is nicer.

CHECK IT YO!

わたしわ FELICIA です.

- My name's felicia.

i think the jap words are so cool. hmmm.

if you wanna ask for the toilet,

it's

'' otearai wa do ko desuka.''

おてあらいはどこですか.

wee yoo weet.

i dunno y the font changed.

heh.

i jus had jap test today luh.

and the oral test sucked.

written still okay.

should be able to pass

lols.

sians.

cant wait till the end of the week man.

i got a busy busy weekend.

oh shit!

girls!

i might not be able to make it on the 8th!

because i forgot bout our meeting and gave my sup schedule for that day!

i informed him d.

he said to update me tml.

i hope it'll be good news!!

oh man.

PRAY KIE!

2009-05-26T23:04:00.002+08:00

i dun wanna feel like this anymore.

like ,

so xin ku.

wo bu yao.

wo bu xiang.

wo bu yao xiang!

FUCKIT.

i wanna be like this happy can =)))))))))

LIKE THIS.

not like that man

=((((((((

feels like being in a maze

without knowing which direction to go

heading through every possible route

every route but the RIGHT one.

i think i seriously need a directory.

but i guess its non-existent.

it's either i make the choice,

or you make yours.

i remember,

if i'm not wrong,

my deadline was v day.

i've failed terribly though.

not being able to pull you out,

but pushing you deeper instead.

SORRY.

fuck. i dunno.

the stone is heavier than ever.

2009-05-23T00:54:00.002+08:00

i'm starting to feel lighter =)

when i think about it,

and things don't really affect me that much anymore

and i'm really glad that it's turning out that way

because i just can't take it!

another day without you with me ..

bla bla bla..

the song jus came.

hahas lame.

v day is long over

and given the response that night,

i made my decision.

i think maybe, perhaps

i now really uds and wanna come to terms with the truth

if your actions are what you're really feeling,

then i really see the whole clear picture now .

so anyway,

javey's like addicted to cake mania

so much that she actually was angry cos the patch didn't work!

being an extrememly nice friend,

i helped her find the patch!

and she was like laughing like crazy when the game could start.

lols.

addicted to this song now,

Kekasih Gelapku.

by Ungu.

nice nice =))

2009-05-10T01:37:00.002+08:00

i always fail to do it.

!PLEH

another day without you with me

is like a blade that cuts right through me

and i can wait,

i can wait forever

when you call my heart stops beating

when you're gone it won't stop beating

i can wait,

i can wait forever.

2009-05-10T00:39:00.002+08:00

kinda sick of like everything.

dun bother to read this post

yeah YOU.

it'll be a waste of your time again.

sick and tired.

things is my family seem to be getting onto the good side =)

but there's just something bothering me

i think i noe the cause

but i dun wanna URGH

no idea how to express it properly.

anyway,

wasted a day today

SORRY JAVEY!

i didn't expect it to be like that.

kinda romantic thou.

LOLs.

meetup was cool.

thou there were onli the 4 of us

kinda weird ambience tonight.

like just dinner and a brief summary of what has been going on lalala.

but still,

i thought it was kinda sweet luh.

like after 3yrs

and we're still meeting up.

=))

hope problems all gets settled soon.

oh,

i wan someone hu can drive and owns a car too!

so cool.

den dere'd be no need to rush and catch the last train.

no need to worry bout not having seats.

advantages many many.

but damn.

kinda wanna surrender

and gameover.

random.

but i dunno y

dunno how

you can jus make me feel like this a moment

and like that the next.

its like i wan that

but i wan this too.

its so hard when i'm clueless

on ''wat about you?''

making it hard.

am i trying?

seriously have no idea.

fuckit.

2009-05-05T23:31:00.003+08:00

wonderful weekend.

dramatic weekend.

all thanks to me .

ha.

i suck. yupps.

i noe.

damnit.

argh.

y are you so irritating?

y must you be like this?

y do you like to say things like that?

i noe you too well man.

too bad i didn't noe you well in the very first place.

mayb den my life would be so much better.

BUT

i'm gonna slowly just get out of it man.

and head the advice of

4giving, 4getting, overcoming and facing it.

I CAN DO IT FUCKING BASTARD.

JUST WAIT AND SEE.

2009-04-26T22:39:00.003+08:00

slacked for a day today.

sch starts at 12 tml.

slept at like 430?

woke at 11.

lunch-ed.

home.

out again.

for awhile.

you asked a question

i'd like to noe ur answer too.

but whatever it is,

i keep telling myself

to concentrate on my studies.

having an aim really helps.

although your mood still affects mine

and your msgs still make my day.

but,

i'm starting to lose hope.

heading for the darker side.

tell me it ain't what i think it is please?

2009-04-26T02:42:00.002+08:00

just came back from FAST AND FURIOUS 4.

vin diesel is so damn cool.

i think he's got a damn sexy voice.

xiaodi went out to buy prata already

just got hung up on.

hais.

i think i'm so dumb.

i didn't noe that 89 stops service at 2314

we almost waited for nothing

luckily asked di to ask iris

and so we cabbed down when the reply was

''not operating now not operating now and not operating now.''

almost 3 now.

hais.

goodnight.

2009-04-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

Hello!

gloominess SHOO!

today was kinda alright.

although the day was so long yet kinda unproductive

cos lessons at 8 till 10

and den there was a break from 10-3!

headed down to chinatown

cos SOMEONE wanted to get some necessities

had 'tianji zhou' YUMS.

went back to school for calculus lesson

and we sorta had the shock of our sem

erm

our class size reduced from 35++ in the first sem

to a miraculous number of only 9

and unintentionally,

we found out that we're the only ones in cls left taking calculus.

you know,

i'm kinda proud of my class =))

cos we make up 7 of the total 9.

way to go the DCP SURVIVORS!

WE'LL ALL DO IT! OKAY!

xujing and javey,

we're now the SAN DA MEI NU.

lols. of cls calculus.

BLEAHS.

at least something to keep me motivated.

my GPA must really be pulled up!

FELICIA! YOU CAN DO IT OKAY!

and jap lessons starts on mon!

excited excited.

my whole of last month's pay was spent on jap fees luh!

SOBS.

i'm broke.

my genting trip!

2009-04-21T19:27:00.002+08:00

it feels real terrible inside.

i dun wanna feel this way

i wanna pretend that it's not affecting me

i wanna make myself feel better.

i dun wanna feel like this

everything said seems to have an impact

starting to feel fucked up again

but no,

i cant screw up this sem

seriously.

i'm not letting myself.

i dun mind.

being in this position

i made it clear few months back

but i really need to noe that the efforts not all gone down the drain.

after feeling like shit,

after everything that has happened,

sorry's not enough.

i dun wanna hear sorry's.

i finally understand,

what they mean.

though it might not be as extreme as love.

but still,

i now understand the feeling of wanting the person whom you care for to be happy.

the stone's growing bigger again.

resting itself on my heart

happily sitting there

while creating misery and hurt

piercing thru soon.

FUCKOFF.

you're seriously not welcome at all.

please go away

i'm begging you.

though i'm not intending on giving up,

i'm afraid i'll be too worn out by the time this battle ends.

2009-04-19T23:30:00.006+08:00

bad mood. but looking at the faces of my girls,

i feel better.

here's TRACY ALBA. omg, she insisted luh. i think tracy OBAMA sounds nicer. =p

and TRUMP YIQI! i qu de leh!! =))
i'm felicia GATES! lols. we're all daughters of rich rich ppl =p
my eyes look weird. lols. tracy's smile is sweet right right right!
look at our monocolour nails!! pretty right!
and the colourful yoghurt =p
kind soul took this photo for us after seeing us trying to painstakingly take a photo lols.
pretty nails =)
not fair! they so close. leave me out. lols.
i moved closer. lalas.
cute eh?
bleahs bleahs bleahs.
proves that i'm taller!
tracy's head looks small luh. hahas. they insisted on putting the camera on our table!
tracy's so happy can you see? cos she spotted the ppl looking at us retards.
my LOVELIES.

LOVELY.
got extra hand lor!!!!!!! looks kinda mutated yeah.
pretty babes.
see! she buy so many things lor!! her bag still got! she hide!

GOODNIGHTS!

2009-04-19T23:01:00.002+08:00

okay,

i'm waiting for yiqi darling to upload photos

speaking of yiqi,

we headed to clarke quay the other day!

on fri night. yupps.

after work.

hmmm so, we went into forbidden again

cos i told her the ambience was nice

lalalas. there was this whole group luh!

like one whole class.

omg.

they occupied the whole dance floor at one point of time

kinda weird how the dancefloor has like many ppl

den suddenly no ppl

and den full again.

took us quite a long time to like finally have the courage to go

lols.

i kept telling yiqi dat nobody knows us there.

and so i danced with her =)

and nope yiqi ah, i do NOT dance well.

hahas.

anyway, cabbed home at 230,

reached home at 3.

ydae went to night safari!

haven't been there since like.........

omg too long till i cant rmb.

not bad luh the whole experience

kinda dark,

but still managed to find majority of the animals.

wasn't me hu spotted them though.

girlfriend's the one with better vision.

anyway,

after macs, cabbed home.

ended the night memorably, yet again.

you've given me another date to remember.

typed till here.

and you typed dat shit.

THANKS.

THANKS SO FUCKING MUCH.

MOOD IS TOTALLY FUCKING SPOILED.

thanks.

2009-04-16T22:24:00.004+08:00

my bro made me watch this.

i wanted to embed it

but apparently i can't

so...

here's the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=related

click it yeah.

seriously,

watch it.

brought tears to my eyes.

emotional.

really really.

watch it.

2009-04-16T15:08:00.003+08:00

baby boy, i miss you.

lols.

haiya..

tracy and yiqi,

v mushy you noe.

i'm jealous.

lols.

okay lame.

queue count is kinda fun

esp when situated with the uncles

omg, they damn funny

make the time seem to pass faster.

work since sat leh!

omg omg omg.

cant believe it

maciam so chiong liddat.

anyway,

going to work soon.

i wondered.

luckily i was kinda tired last night.

otherwise i think i'll lose some more of my braincells.

issit like clearer to me now?

or still as confusing ?

i dunno leh.

i really dunno .

hais.

2009-04-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

i got lost after work today -.-

oh i forgot to blog bout the silly thing tracy did

on the previous outing

she squashed her bread flat in her bag

and den wanted to tell her mummy that it was a new kinda bread

lols.

SILLY TRACY.

huiyi cant make it on sun

YET AGAIN

I'm DISAPPOINTED!! humph.

seriously,

the school's starting soon.

kinda sians

hais.

i'm selfish,

i concluded.

but not to that extent.

dreams involoving you would always be sweet dreams.

2009-04-10T20:58:00.002+08:00

YOU'RE WELCOME TRACY TOH! =)))

reached home at around 3plus this morn.

watched taken at 11 something

ended movieand went to eat

talked and den home.

b4 dat,

went to bpp to look for ahyi

omg.

even the ppl dere says ''ni de nu er ah?''

mummy's even more sad now. lols.

slept till like 2 pm??

kns. like pig.

bleahs.

WINDY.

haiya...

just the feel of your kiss,

even onli in my dreams,

makes my heart flutter

like the wings of the hummingbird.

2009-04-07T23:38:00.002+08:00

heyo!

jus reached home from dinner with my girls.

i'm so nice right!

i sent tracy home!

talked more like always.

hmmm laughter.

tracy should live like in the block beside mine.

it's much nearer to cp!

lalalas.

i reached home and went to show my face to them

oh puh-lease.

they were already like going to sleep.

haha

so which means they'll onli scold.

haiya.

please luh.

if you really care,

suan le.

dun care you all.

hammie stinks right now.

wondering if i should clear the cage

or wait till tml.

but tml i'll be lazy leh

but now already so late

HAISSSSSSSSS.

i should go bathe first.

it would be so much better if things were clear enough

wouldn't it?

2009-04-05T01:21:00.003+08:00

came across this while browsing youtube.

click if you're unhappy, sad, mad, emo

whatever you're feeling.

just click luh

you won't regret seriously..

best video!

dun stop at the dance kie..

his voice is AMAZING.

2009-04-05T00:11:00.003+08:00

today wasn't bad.

working time passed kinda quickly somehow.

there was this monopoly thing going on

omg,

the pay $4 to play monopoly

winner gets to represent sg in the international monopoly challenge in vegas

how cool!

anyway

i gotta say dat dere's yet another day for me to remember

OMG

i can't believe i can be so sneaky.

like,

i'm gonna be an expert soon.

bleahs.

so,

where are we headed to now?

my ship's still turning rounds in the middle of the ocean

without a proper direction.

lead me okay?

i haven't been trying to climb out of the pit i fell into

cos right now i'm feeling comfy

even though it's dark in here

and i feel alone at times,

i'm still not trying to get out

yet.

dumbo.

i wanna go to genting!

i dun care.

i wanna go to genting!

i really wanna go.

i wanna go to genting!

we must go okay, JAVEY!

i wanna go to genting!

GENTING!

2009-04-02T14:00:00.002+08:00

HA HA.

i cant believe you're so fucking childhish

wat's up yo?

wat's up with the asking me to wash my clothes?

you aren't even the one washing my clothes

so shut the fuck up yo.

wat's up with the silly attitude.

HA HA.

i have a messenger.

hehe.

you dunno?

i love my ah ma.

she always tells me secrets.

putting an act in front of me.

lols.

forget it.

i'm an actor too.

2009-04-02T13:50:00.002+08:00

omg.

jus checked the timetable.

it fucking sucks.

onli wed's until 1

the rest are all until 5 or 6!

and they all start at like 8, 10 am?

i was looking forward to sch lehhhhh

walao........

den liddat spoil my .

whatever

i still gotta study hard

get into my ntu

OMG

prove the shitty people wrong.

meeting up with reb later

get my levi's

lols.

ydae was, DUSTY!

can't believe i actually spent a day like dat

lalalas.

sch reopening in 18 days.

countdown begins.

study hard FELICIAQUEK!

2009-03-31T18:38:00.002+08:00

BACK!

reached this morning.

KL wasn't as boring as i expected luh

apparently,

many old uncles and aunties mistook me for my aunt.

JOKE.

FINALLY,

got to meet my long lost cousin

hmmm, not exactly lost,

just i dunno how to explain.

life there is like,

more relaxed.

although it was boring luh.

went sao mu

at some ''fu gui shan zhong''

gong gong situated there.

wl,

wake at 6 can.........

luckily this yr nv jam,

last yr jam for like 2hrs plus luh!

then went to the other one,

i dunno the name.

went sungei wang

like finally.

some mixture of sim lim and far east.

and times square is so not class now.

it used to be like malaysia's paragon

erm

5 yrs ago?

now its like so chut chut.

cmi.

whatever.

somehow,

i feel happier there lehhhhhhhhh

mayb cos there nothing to do

hahas.

dun think so much there.

why ah?

ohhhhhh,

gonna save money to go genting!

i WANNA GO GENTING!

I WANNA GO GENTING!

2009-03-27T03:01:00.002+08:00

heading off to KL in a few hours.

last min decision

bu fang xin my ah ma take train alone

so i decided to say yes when she ask me accompany.

ima good girl see..

jus finished baking cookies, washing up

bla bla bla.

and i'm feeling fed up right now.

its 3 am in the morning.

significant?

FUCK.

it's not worth it.

it isn't how i wanted it to be.

isn't wat i expected,

but then again,

wat goes along with ur expectations?

forget it.

think i'm going bonkers.

3.04am

hais.

i'll be gone for i dunno how many days luh.

miss me when i'm gone.

whoa oh oh oh.

whatever.

self entertain.

FUCKYOU LA.

2009-03-24T14:30:00.002+08:00

gloominess aside,

i tink the outing with rachel and huiyi was fun

OMG.

although it wasn't for very long,

but the recollections

WHOA!

secondary school

hahas.

i tink rachel hitting soneone with the badminton racket was the jokiest.

to think rachel looks so gentle .

lols.

ehh

go back nc eat wanton mee !

when when?

always fail de lor.

and meetup with tracy and yiqi was fun too.

laugh like nobody''s business

suddenly we were talking about the sec3 camp and everything

and they said i didn't bathe -.-

while planning the next outing,

tracy's like so evil luh.

''CHU BING'' omg.

evil tracy.

ehh tracy, when you get ur license,

drive us to the damsy hill or whatever okay!!

oh, huiyi,

if you're reading this,

next outing will be on the 7th april alright?

dinner then.

and then the next next one would be the 19th,

go settlers and den ben and jerry's!!

i wanna watch mall cop!!

watching it tml/

wheeeeeee~~

oh past few days worked at airport with xj.

lols.

i made many new friends luh!!

i can even memorize their carplate.

hahas.

lame.

next yr this time,

someone stayong near juring island,

rent me ur room for 6 weeks!

2009-03-20T00:54:00.002+08:00

suddenly all the thoughts came back.

good ones.

bad ones.

past and present

i've a feeling i got it all wrong

can you please lead me back?

i dun understand.

it's like i'm kinda lost in this merry go round.

and you're like the machine operator.

making the carousel go faster and faster.

i can't think straight.

i can't make out what's really happening.

i don't really know what's going on.

as the days go by,

i realise that i might have headed the wrong way

i dun wanna feel hurt yet again.

sounds so childish .

but it's exactly how i'm feeling.

i tot bout everything that has happened.

perhaps , just perhaps.

words are meant to be spoken,

they're meant to be heard as well

but they don't really mean anything

if they don't come from the bottom of your heart.

some words dun have to be said out loud.

but sometimes,

saying them will allow people to understand better.

maybe that's just wat i need.

WAKE UP YOU FARKING IDIOT.

i need someone to scream that into my face.

slap me or whatsoever.

i'm just unhappy right now la.

i dunno wat the hell's got into me.

cheer me up someone.

but,

i guess that someone's gotta be me.

nobody really cares,

except yourself.

onli you can save yourself i guess.

with some external help.

is that it?

prove me wrong, please.

2009-03-18T00:56:00.002+08:00

results today.

damn mood dampening.

gpa drop.

hais.

i see my ntu flying away.

suddenly i realise that without a degree it seriously would be difficult

hais.

damn this sem.

buck up alright!

nest sem!

my onli a,

thanks kian how.

i got an a for CEPA.

the onli pathetic one.

hais.

supposedly happy.

cos i've got 2 days of freedom.

but,

i dun even feel like clubbing anymore.

not right now.

i jus dun have the mood.

maybe some alone time would be good.

since i've already informed i'd be out for the night.

the beach?

scary.

the staircase?

out of your mind.

loiter around!

hais.

whatever.

damn the results.

all your own fault luh.

you stupid pig.

study luh.

play play play.

hais.

2009-03-11T16:38:00.002+08:00

yeahs .

everything's my fault.

everything also me.

yupps.

i don't freak care alright.

the more you wanna push all the blame to me

the more i wanna go against you.

haven't you seen enough to noe me well?

damn.

you think you noe wat i've been thru

but seriously

you don't

you guys don't

you're afraid of things that i've already been thru

and you think i dunno how that feels.

but i so feel like telling you that i do fucking noe okay.

i dun think there's anything worse that could happen seriously

mayb if i could tell you the truth,

it'd be so much easier.

but no,

it's mentally torturing.

for me, it already is,

i tink it'll be for you too.

you think that yeahs

''you're so naive and gullible''

ha ha.

wat a joke.

i was.

sadly,

the memories are back.

thanks.

you are welcome to think of me in anyway that you like.

i assume,

that you think i'm rotten.

hahas.

whatever.

think all you wan

2 more years and i'm outta here.

sleep on the streets or whatever.

2 more years.

2009-03-10T13:59:00.003+08:00

damn. hais.

y always like this?

damn.

and you complain when i'm not home.

but when i'm home,

this kinda things happen.

how'd you expect me to wanna come home?

you claim it doesn' feel like a home

obviously it doesn't

i'd rather rot at paragon.

hais.

i needa breather.

i wanna get out.

i dun like hearing this kinda stuff.

i dun like being here.

not for now anyway.

hais.

2009-03-10T11:56:00.005+08:00

i'm bored.

that's about all.

nothing interesting happened luh seriously.

so i guess..

lovelies.
we were bored ya? ran out of ideas. hahas.
random. i dunno wad we were doing.

i like this. yiqi damn cute luh. some kinda failed batman pose.
cat woman. sweet girl. acting cool =.=
i think this was the 2 babes idea...
bite tracy!
au natural.
lovelies.
tracy TOE!
HUIYI!
huiyi and YIQI!

oh yeahs.

grats to you guys!

not bad a level results huh

especially tracy!

hahas.

okay.

i'm proud to have you guys as my friends

including you luh HUIYI.

hahas.

blogger took amazingly fast speed to upload the photos.

not bad huh.

2009-03-01T01:44:00.002+08:00

friday night was fun =)

dinner with my lovely girls.

lalalas.

though huiyi onli came for dinner.

stupid you.

CLUBS RUIN GATHERINGS ALRIGHT.

next time,

i wan gatherings without clubs involved!

talk talk talk with tracy and yiqi

i like =)

silly tracy was so happy cos it was the first time she went home so late

hahas.

next outing somewhere nearer

compass starbucks also can okay!

den we can talk longer =))))))

fun night it was,

but i learnt an impt lesson as well

don't make empty promises

cos when you dun fulfill them,

you're shit.

don't lie

cos when the someone you lied to finds out,

you're gone.

don't try covering up for yourself

cos it never works,

just makes you feel terrible

admit your mistakes,

and not make the same one again.

i guess as time passes,

people will appreciate you more.

gotta go sleep already.

it's gonna be 2am!

goodnight.

2009-02-27T02:01:00.003+08:00

imagine one day you wake up

and realise everything was a dream

the world is jus a stage

and you saw ur own script

you noe ur ending

god's playing the sims

and he's enjoying it

unfortunately,

i'm not.

the stone's back again

i wonder why.

not gonna sleep well tonight

sweet dreams.

2009-02-24T22:46:00.002+08:00

WEEEE~

exams over! =))))))

a thousand smiles

the smiles almost became a million tears

why?

due to intensive studying till 3 am,

i couldn't wake when my alarm rang at 6

and so i happily slept all the way

until i received an sms at 8

thank guanyin i received that sms

and thank guanyin i switched my phone from silent b4 i went to bed!

chiong to sch!

luckily i was still on time.

and thanks to kian how,

the paper was quite ok.

otherwise,

i would've jus stoned there.

staring at the paper

while it stared at me

forced to throw frisbees after exams -.-

i was wearing jeans luh

how stupid.

and long sleeves.

home.

bathe.

compass point.

mac.

den went to become a maid.

HAHAs.

i make it sound like something very got ''feng''

failed.

why?

cos the iron brand wasn't tefal!

i strongly recommend TEFAL.

okay, i jus checked out my iron

and i realised it's NOT tefal.

hahas.

still,

you noe the iron that can go on roads..

whatever.

mine is philips!

rocks still.

hahas.

so,

i watched ben button!

at vivo.

with my gf.

not bad not bad.

she peel prawns for me!

hahas.

okay, i shall forgive myself for being a maid.

so we're even okay!

savouring the cake =))

thanks girlfriend!

so sweet of you.

=)))))

thousand smiles again.

that makes 2 thousand alrd.

2009-02-24T00:32:00.005+08:00

just reached home.

waiting for the heater to heat up water for a lovely bath.

whatever.

just feeling happy

cos tml's the last day of this damn-ed sem!

thank's kian how for staying back to teach me luh

otherwise i guess i'm really a goner later.

gonna attempt the past year papers

and to keep myself from falling asleep,

i'm gonna blast techno again!

lalalas.

aiming to sleep by 3?

hmmmm.

hope its possible.

PINK PANTHER next!

holidays holidays.

gathering, whatever.

free sms me!

i'll be free till april 19th!

hahas.

off to the toilet i go!

ooh!

2months since i watched twilight!

how time flies.

it seems so long alrd though.

why is that so?

hmmmm.

issit me or issit really the case?

i'm wondering..

green green green.

i wanna learn to drive a car!

no,

i wanna drive a car.

i just wanna noe the feeling of driving a car!

satisfy my desire?

hahas.

i'll love you to bits.

see, i'm easily contented =p

2009-02-23T00:17:00.002+08:00

12 am!

its mon!

tml's my last paper!

omgosh.

now i'm in a dilemma.

i wanna watch ben button later

but i haven finished cepa

left with a portion of it

should i forgo my ben button?

and be =(((((( ?

or should i go for ben button

and be =))))))) ?

hmmmm.

i tink i should go for it,

and den study right?

otherwise,

i wouldn't be able to conc.

agree?

lalalas.

excuses excuses.

full of excuses for myself.

or rather,

to put it more nicely,

reasoning.

i had crirtical reasoning skills this sem!

it's better not to think so deeply into things.

for i realise i'll live happier

the day's go by more easily,

without thinking about anything

about something in particular.

the more i think,

the more upset i become.

the heavier the stone in my heart feels.

it's amazing how it can be lifted jus like that somehow.

really.

i can never explain y it's like that .

that's the way it just is.

hopefully,

i'll be able to lift that stone just like that myself too.

benjamin button!

i should just go watch it luh

to lift my spirits

hahas.

whatever.

gf bo xim.

hahas =p =p =p

nights.

2009-02-21T17:42:00.003+08:00

I JUS COMPLETED MY MIP REPORT AND I'M ELATED.

OMG LIKE FINALLY.

THE REPORT WAS DUE SO MANY WEEKS AGO AND I JUS COMPLETED IT!

yay-ness.

not to be happy too soon though.

i gotta finish a chapter by the time limit given.

omgosh.

STRESS.

hahas.

shall go bathe first.

mummy made us aerobic for half hour jus now.

=p =p =p =p =p

2009-02-21T00:42:00.002+08:00

i just wasted a day!

omgosh

*&^#%^#$%%^&%^&

i was supposed to do my mip report

budden after finishing the intro

i simply lost interest

hey, it's MIP leh

MATERIALs IN PRACTICE

shi sian de lor.

tonight i shall complete it i guess.

or rather, i aim to.

hmmm,

gonna blast techno again probably?

bleeahs.

it's already 1 am luh.

i wanna share my joy.

if everything goes well,

hopefully everything does.

like, how i gotta finish my report and study for CEPA.

den, i probably get to watch ben button!

so i gotta be hardworking.

and finish my work luh.

i tink human beings are real weird creatures.

like when they have something in hand,

they tend to like treat it as rubbish

and den they jus take it for granted?

but when they lose it,

or is on the verge of losing it,

they start to realise the importance,

they start to realise how the ''rubbish'' is actually their treasure.

agree?

haiya,

if you wan something,

den jus go for it luh.

wad for fake yourself and try to show other's what they wanna see?

do wat you want luh!

and you'll be happier damn it.

anyway,

exams seriously allow you to see a side of a person

hahas

i wonder if i'm one of those.

do i tell people i dun uds when actually i do?

or do i tell them that i'm so gonna fail when i 100% noe that i won't?

do i assure them that they'l do well when i noe in actual fact they won't?

i dunno.

my friend once ignored me because of a lit exam.

she didn't talk to me for days!

seriously,

in sec sch everyone says the same thing.

they tell you they dun study,

when in actual fact they chiong at home.

ha.

but i dunno wat's the prob with admitting you studied?

afraid that ppl will judge your score?

like, if you study and score badly.

ppl will say you're stupid?

but if you tell them you didn't,

and you score well,

you'll feel better?

how bout if you tell your fren dat you didn't study,

and ur fren stupidly follows you cos she's too tired

and she fails yet you pass with flying colours?

whatever luh.

grown numb to all the claims made before the exam.

and all the statements made when the papers are being handed out.

whatever.

my mood is good today.

not gonna spoil it.

hahas.

if earning a chance is so simple,

row the boat everday alright?

2009-02-19T20:35:00.002+08:00

one more paper to go!

and i'm a free bird

lalalas.

tired tired tired.

gotta complete my report tml i guess.

and my reflection.

mayb i should go complete it now

hais.

what do you do when you feel that someone is treating you weirdly

but dunno y?

hmmm,

would you jus confront the person if you dun like something that they're doing?

oh,

and i so wanna watch BENJAMIN BUTTON!

anyone wanna watch? sms me!

pretty please?

kind souls out there.

jj got new song.

DIMPLES!

haven listened to it though.

hahas.

nothing much hapened today.

except for a stupid mip paper.

and den linner with my classmates.

some of them.

home early today!

mummy say dun wan care me liao.

cos i make her not enough sleep.

everything blame me lo!

careless lose wallet also my fault leh!!

mummy,

you very guo fen.

hehe.

i love my mummy though.

=))))

2009-02-19T03:09:00.002+08:00

i wish to sleep now!

but i dun wish to fail mip tml.

i mean, later.

listening to some techno playlist on immem to keep myself awake.

need another cup of coffee.

but i think i finished the milk already =p

will i get to sleep ?

thank god the paper's at 2pm!

otherwise later seh liao.

and i jus finished the last bottle of chicken essence on tues!

techno is so sec 2.

hahas.

reminisce.

okay.

crap enough.

back to notes

i dunno if anything's going in though.

i seem to be onli reading and reading.

boo =(

2009-02-19T00:50:00.002+08:00

supposed to be studying mip right now

somehow jus got the habit of having to warm up first

bad bad habit

hahas.

somehow this time mip not so stressed. yet.

at least i've an idea of wat i'm studying

not jus trying to memorise every single thing

of some unknown material

when they all look the same

it's damn hard.

unlike history, social studies, geography.

mip just... it's different.

anyway,

i screwed up my calculus.

still was feeling dat the paper was manageable.

but.

i can't believe wad i wrote.

damn.

ming ming see and noe dat it's not possible.

damn damn.

the more i think the more i feel like banging my head on the wall

damn.

hais.

e^0. i can't believe i wrote that as 0!

hais.

my 10 marks.

hais.

i hope i pass luh.

den at least i can still continue taking the module.

i'll work hard next sem if i pass.!

really luh..

hahas.

you noe,

some stuffs are so minor.

but they seriously can affect you alot.

i mean it luh.

just like how a phone call makes my day

and immediately lifts my spirits

even it was only for 10 secs?

hopeless.

hahas.

yet another day to remember.

=)))))))

2009-02-17T01:19:00.002+08:00

i feel like screaming.
i dunno if its the stress
that i'm all blank now.
fuck.
i feel like going jogging now.

omg.
my mind's just blank.
damn it.
help.

2009-02-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

nope.
i dun wan pity
i dun wan anything because of something
i dun expect something because of something either.
understand?

nope.
i dun need all that.

v day was a bore.
i mean the whole day
i tried studying
i did study at least
budden i got fed up

almost got a ride on a bike.
hahas
but nah.
didn't.

caught a 1130 movie.
till 1 50?
i tot i'd fall asleep
but it was quite interesting after all

didn't get to watch my ben button though.
sad luh.

reached home at bout 4.
blister on my feet again.

i swear to put on plasters before heels man!

anyway, not bad luh
v day.
hahas
more like v night.
or rather post v morning.
whatever.

still got many questions though.
and many unfound answers.
let bygones be bygones.
and let nature take its course.
shit.

they say fate fate fate
but if you dun do something bout whatever it is,
den nothing will happen.
agree?

back to work man.
aim to sleep by 1.

NIGHTs.

2009-02-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

hais.

i'm sorry.

really sorry.

i dun uds y it always ends up like that.

i feel bad

but wad can i do?

taking one step at a time

not remaining even as friends becomes the easy way out

agree?

i feel so fucked up

i might jus spend sat at home

so much for looking forward

so much for being excited

everything just doesn't seem right

i feel the warm liquid in my eyes

but i really dun wanna let it flow

so much for care and concern

so much for lying to myself

i guess what people always say is true.

your family's the best.

in this case,

my mummy's the best.

i screwed up my relationship

i screwed up this sem.

i screwed up my relationship with my dad.

fuck.

i'm not happy.

i dunno what's the cause

i think i'm my own cause.

FUCKING FELICIA QUEK.

DAMN YOU.

i think you should jus bang the wall and die.

damn it.

FUCKYOU.

2009-02-10T01:23:00.000+08:00

i feel like a piece of shit.

mayb worse than a piece of shit.

hais.

2009-02-09T16:04:00.003+08:00

i'm tired!

YAWNs.

i wanna sleep.

test tml.

essay.

not prepared yet.

hahas.

wad's wrong with me?

tml i'm gonna start my mugging!

study study study!

should i stay in sch or head down to airport?

REBB dated me for lunch.

hahas.

ohh,

i was fretting over not having a date for valentine's.

fret not fret not.

SOMEONE wants me to study on v day luh!!

=((((((((

i dun wanna be studying on v day =(

2009-02-06T00:26:00.002+08:00

i can't believe how fast the time is passing

the exams are around the corner

and the year 1 is coming to an end.

and i choose such a stupid time to play audition

hahas.

i gotta study!

but i'm working this weekend

hmmm.

nothing much to blog about also luh.

hais.

work, study, play.

study, work, play.

play, study, work.

lifeless luh.

hais.

exams exams coming!

soon i'm gonna be all moody and cranky.

just like always.

and den i'll get frustrated easily

and den i'll get moodswings easily too.

and den ppl get frustrated with me.

and den they'll scold me.

and den i'll be emo.

and den i won't feel like studying.

and den i won't get good grades.

and den i have to stop and den-ing.

because it's kinda irritating.

but den i still got many stuffs to get off ne chest

but den i dun wanna share them

but den if i dun share i'll feel so bad

but den i dun feel comfortable talking about it.

so i decided to keep mum.

so i'm not gonna say anything more.

so i'm gonna be emo.

so i'm gonna shut up.

but just for now.

cos you noe how talkative i am

i'll die if i dun talk

even for 10 mins.

okay, unless i'm ocuppied with something.

lame.

gotta sleep.

working tml.

nights.

hais.

i said i wanted this, i wanted that.

but i still decided like that.

why?

YING WEI WO XI GUAN LE!

nope,

i wasn't yelling.

jus emphasising.

hais.

sleep.

sleep the troubles away.

if i wake up not remembering hu i am,

would that be the best thing that has ever happened to me?

2009-02-04T23:39:00.001+08:00

i dunno y things between us have turned out this way

i really wanna jus go and talk to you

like nothing happened

but i cant

i think bout wat happened

and i cant bring myself to do it.

i'm sorry.

2009-02-04T16:49:00.002+08:00

just some of the photos i took

there are loads more luh.

but blogger is so lagg in uploading photos.

-.-

so i decided not to.

i'm supposed to be studying now!

i'm not =(

i wanna play high street 5

i wanna play o2jam!

but no more.

awww

i got my internet back!

yay!

no more having to carry the lappy out

jus so that i can use the internet.

lalalas.

i wonder wat i'll be locked out for next.

hahas.

i'm thinking.

since they can jus lock me out

and not care bout me

does that mean i can go overseas ?

same logic right?

i dun care though.

i'm staying over at our class chalet.

FOR BOTH NIGHTS.

i guess.

DUN CARE!

hahas.

oh man,

the holidays aren't even here yet.

gonna head out to study later.

downstairs will do i guess

cos the cc definitely would be packed.

i'm gonna fall asleep.

oh, cleaning the hammie's cage first.

STINKS.

2009-02-03T09:18:00.003+08:00

just finished gems.

stupid test.

hahas.

not bad.

i passed the module alrd.

WEEEEE~~

i haven't been able to update

due to some farker hu smashed the modem

into how many pieces i'm not sure

but it definitely is smashed

and

my reunion dinner was ruined

THANKS TO YOU.

damn it.

the whole cny thing jus doesn't get to me

it didn't feel like cny

and it still doesn't really feel like cny

except we keep seeing red packets.

this year's shou huo confirm down

cos mummy and us decided dat we dun wanna go THERE

and put on a show

being in such a situation

i guess it's hard to accept us?

i dunno.

but i definitely would not treat any ''family'' this way

i dunnid any pretences.

dunnid any pretending to accept us

but making it so obvious that you dun really.

i'm happy with just visiting mummy's side though

dun really care bout the quek's.

hahas.

though i'm a QUEK too.

but ultimately,

in the end,

if i ever get married,

QUEK won't be the surname of my children.

hahas.

unless i sway sway find a husband whose surname's quek.

cannot be de luh .

issit true that the child of ppl with the same surname would have an extra chromosome in the 23rd pair of chromosomes?

anyhow,

cny sucks.

somehow this cny just sucks.

chu yi was spent playing arcade -.-

how dumb.

i threw basketballs till my arm ached!

and den uncle came.

i took the chance and followed his car back to jb

couldn't stand being with ''the man'' for any longer.

we sang k till like 5am can.

and i didn't drink!

cos i tot of somebody going

''hor hor u drink..''

hais.

chu er bai nian.

chu san skipped sch.

chu si go sch.

and den i got locked out again -.-

this time it was my fault.

i went back late.

but i seriously didn't expect the door to be locked.

spent the night elsewhere.

didn't wanna be condemned at the staircase again,

so this time i got to sleep.

till like 7am?

cos someone's alarm was so noisy =p

too loud . and the air con was too cold.

i was shivering.

even under the blankets!

they didn't even bother to call me.

i'm not sad okay.

i'm happy.

seriously.

chu wu met ahyi after sch.

and chu liu sucked.

dun bother asking y.

cos i dunno wad i was thinking too.

i should just bang my head on the wall and die.

oops.

mummy jus said today cannot simply talk

cos tiankong's bday.

anyway,

reached sk at bout 10.

hooch-ed alone at i dunno wad block.

and went home at 11 something.

i tot i'd be able to fall asleep after that bottle

but apparently i wasn't that weak.

sad.

because i was counting on it to get to sleep.

next time i should try 2 bottles!

or mayb

try the one with 8% alcohol.

damnit.

i dunno if i slept

because all i could remember was looking at the phone every half hour.

and den try to get to sleep

and it carried on until ...............

something.

sunday sucked.

ydae sucked.

and today might just suck too.

i'm getting moodier everyday.

i dunno y.

i wanna come to a conclusion.

but i dunno how.

i noe what would be better for me

but i jus refuse to work towards that

either way,

it's still gonna make me feel URGHHHH

Felicia feels like taking 10 panadol tablets with coke.

2009-01-24T19:53:00.002+08:00

night out with the girls.

AKINA SHIMADA didn't turn up =(

otherwise it'd have been a full house.

sad-ed.

fun still.

loads of laughter.

they always make me miss secondary sch even more.

awww.

and they're all gonna get license!

okay, not all.

but, i wanna get mine too!

though i dunno whatever for.

hahas.

met gf for a while after i came home.

mummy didnt call me surprisingly

and when i came home,

everyone was asleep already.

obviously luh.

3am liao.

3 of them went to zouk luh!

and forbidden city made me wanna go club too.

damn the heels.

2 blisters due to excessive walking.

i'll remember 23rd night, 24th morn.

2009-01-20T21:09:00.002+08:00

adopted a pet hamster on sat!

we went for project rice as CIP luh

went door to door to collect rice.

den kor called me

say someone abandoned 2 hammies at the staircase

sadly, one died already

so left one

went yishun after CIP

to look at the hammie

bought cage and food and wood shavings

took the bus home with hammie

hahas.

damn cool luh

hamsters are so much more easier to look after than cats.

remember the kitten....

and now its like falling asleep on the wheel.

awwwww.

i should have got the bigger cage

tot onli one so its okay

but i regret !

anyway,

kinda feng canto pop this few days

i dunno why.

i'm tired =(

oh,

workplace gave ang bao.

not little leh!

80BUcKS.

WOW.

THANKS =)

2009-01-19T23:16:00.003+08:00

是最最不可能才这样吸引待你好只怪是我笨

尽全力难以抱得紧若抱紧明知不会合衬

谁人叫我太贪心要你热吻

盲目地与你说天谈地

这叫做残忍定凄美明知我后退我也可以避

偏偏又放纵到扮你知己

期望你太多注定难过只好怪寂寞令我闯祸

可换到几次期待不需关怀都庆贺

捱下去结果也是难过只有我自问自答

这苦心对或错天与地难以有人可拯救到我

路过几多好人谁也极吸引

但到底只会为你恨没缘分才会更多心

没结果才想你步近旁人也替我担心替我怒愤

明明是个个也漂亮偏这样沉溺喜欢你

宁愿恨你丧失趣味偏偏又爱上你没法心死

不理力量奉献几多不顾后患尚有几多

喜欢你逃避你你不必知道清楚

天再大唯有你能亲手杀死我

2009-01-12T21:16:00.002+08:00

chanced upon this song

and it took my breath away

just made me feel soooooo.....

i dunno how to describe that kinda feeling.

you can just stop breathing

like.....

when sharing a kiss with someone special.

the more i read the twilight series

the more i long for that kinda romance

FAIRYTALE.

impossible.

so,

i cut my hair.

it's defiitely not as heavy

but i look retarded -.-

ah ma says no change though

oh well,

extra cash will be spent on my hair after cny

right now the focus is on clothes.

I HAVEN'T BOUGHT MY NEW YEAR CLOTHES! =((((

urgh.

edward cullen edward cullen edward cullen.

where's MY edward cullen?

oh where oh where can my lil edward be?

''The world outside holds no interest for me without you.''

2009-01-08T21:08:00.002+08:00

work pass few days have left me with v lil sleep time

and many sch work left undone.

that's the prob with someone hu needs loads of money constantly.

i dunno where all my money goes to though

cos i cant find them anywhere in my bank -.-

anyway,

its gonna be cny

and i haven bought my clothes

not gonna be visiting anyway

so i guess it doesn't really matter

so tired.

physically this time.

and still pondering bout many stuffs.

always seem to have problems huh.

kinda irritated too.

always revolving round the same ones though.

siansation.

play all the troubles away!

2009-01-04T00:51:00.002+08:00

packed my room today.

finally cleared almost all dust

from almost all areas

urgh.

working tml.

kinda becomes a chore

something i really dun look forward doing.

hais.

gonna rot there.

and rot for the 3 hrs as well i guess.

damn.

wat's there to walk in m.sq?

sch on mon drags on till 6.

oh man,

kinda sick of life.

sounds cheesy

but

cant we just be born with loads of money

and then we dun have to work

and we dun have to study

and den we become fei ren

hahas.

lame luh.

woke up feeling idiotic

supposed to visit the doc

but seriously no mood to even drag myself there

thought bout lots of stuff

and after reaching the conclusion,

i feel i'm really dumb.

hais.

wake up luh FELICIA QUEK

SLAP YOURSELF AWAKE.

failed.

my mind says this

my heart has a mind of its own.

doomed.