Stuck On You

30/12/08

thanks for wanting to be there

thanks for being willing to be there

but i hope to make it clear to you

to ensure that you're able to move on.

please don't be stuck in the past

please just look ahead

there are others who are more worthy for you.

give the other people a chance

maybe we were just not meant to be

please don't say that i'm selfish

please don't say that i didn't give you any chances

i gave you more than enough

i've made it very clear to you

and i'm sure you should know me well enough

i decided to give up

and i gave up.

i decided to let go

and i've already let go.

don't still pin hopes.

because you know very clearly that it's not possible anymore.

move on

because you and i

have become a thing of the past.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:56 pm

28/12/08

you're gonna be able to control me.

using the fact that i'm still living under your roof.

still using your money.

making use of everything that you pay for.

but puh-lease

wad you said to me jus now made no sense to me at all.

ha.

so much for wanting to control my feelings.

thanks gf yet again.

for running back with me.

not mind being looked at as "SIAO AR!"

hahas.

run halfway,

i really found it funny luh.

sorry ah.

make you look like idiot tgt with me.

plus the heavy bag.

omg.

THANKS.

sch's so scary when it's dark.

so much that i had to call jingwei so that i had company to the toilet.

i noe i'm dumb.

but it was really dark luh.

and the toilet door was squeaky.

anyway, i guess i'd have jus skipped dinner if i didnt meet you.

dun scold me hor.

cos i ate!

anyway, matters of the heart are really complicated.

hahas.

so dun come and tell me,

girl, you can only fall in love after you graduate.

why?

cos you never know when the

''love bugggg will just come and bite youuuuuu''

you can't control, right?

i tried.

i failed.

i'm sorry.

what kinda feeling do you call this?

when you wanna noe when the someone's happy or sad

when you wanna be the one he/she thinks of when they're unhappy

when you wanna be the one he'll turn to

when you feel terrible when he's sad

when you feel helpless when he's uncontactable

when you can just watch him sleep and smile like a retard

when you find everything bout him just fits so perfectly

when you feel like there's a tonne of stones on ur heart everytime you think and you know that you're not the one on his mind

when you wish that you were that someone to him too

and the list goes on.

oh man,

i'm feeling f-ed up again.

hais.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 11:03 pm

27/12/08

thanks girlfriend for being thereee for me.
accompanying me.

i'm sorry you had to spend the night sleeping so uncomfortably
and still go to work the next morn =(
sorry!

really appreciated it.
your company meant alot
really.
from the bottom fo my heart.

THANK YOU!

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 11:00 pm

on the mornin of 26th DECMEBER
around 6?
you are no longer who you were to me.

i told you what has been on my mind
since the thing happened.

i told you how i felt.
i still cant believe you'd do such a thing
you dun have the balls to admit it.
and who are you to come and talk reason with us then?

a man does things and admit them
no.
a man with balls does things and admit them
they apologize to the ppl they've hurt.

a man with balls are the men who are true to their words.
they say things and they do it.

you expect me to respect you and still treat you as who i'm supposed to?
you can jus go look into the toilet bowl and dream.

you'll never be who you were to me again.

one who can just walk away.
one who just leaves me there.
even after you saw.
it wasn't that you didn't know i was there.
you came, you saw, and you locked even the gate.
what the fuck did you expect me to do then and there?

fucking bastard.
you said 2am.
but you bloody just left me outside.
and you claim you care.
you fucking tell all lies.
nothing but lies.

i could've jus woke you up
insist that you open the door.
but i tot,
you gotta wake at 5,
go to work.

so i told myself no,
i'll wait.
nobody opened the fucking door.
nvm.
i waited.
till 6,
i tot you'd at least come and ask me to get in.

you fucking just left.
there and then.
you're nothing but a the man who made me.
who's sperm brought me to this world.

and our relationship ended there.
dun fucking expect me to call you dad anymore.

cos you dun deserve it.
you said.
you told me.
i'm a burden.
i know.
since secondary 1,
you've been saying this.

i know.
i never forgot.
i'll never forget.

too bad,
you still gotta make sure i survive the next 3 years.
cos its your responsibility.

you dun have to chase me out.
i'll make sure i'll make myself scarce once i hit 21.

you dun really care anyway,
you onli find excuses to scold.
i've never seen a more selfish person than you.

fuck.
i've got alot of stuffs to throw in your face.
but nah.
that's it.
that's the end.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 5:05 pm

25/12/08

MERRY CHRISTMAS =)

although this year's christmas eve was kinda quiet
but i still enjoyed it.
peaceful time spent together
i like the look of protectiveness.

anyway,
i thought the foaming thing was banned.
apparently,
the people don't listen.

trying v hard to get out of their way.
still got sprayed once in the end.
luckily the bottle was almost finished.

walking along orchard didn't feel the same
somehow
it felt better.
even though i was strolling behind
but still..

caught twilight
thanks babe for getting the ticket for me =)
and you too luh joseph.
thanks.

the movie wasn't that fascinating
watching the movie was the captivating part.

my heart skipped a few beats =p
edward was so cool.
i wan a boyfriend like edward cullen!

but i dun wan the icy coldness
i prefer warmth.

just like the warmth i felt.
my jacket was rather redundant
jus added to my load
boo.

i wonder how many christmas eve's will be spent like that..
hopefully every one.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 5:23 pm

24/12/08

guess what's waiting for me?

GIANT BABY EEYORE!

mei mei couldn't wait to carry it.. hahas.

thanks shawn !
merry christmas eve people.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 3:24 pm

which is tougher?

having feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same about you
OR
someone having feelings for you but you do not feel the same way about them?
AND
you dunno how to tell them.
OR BOTH?

added together = total disaster.
total madness.
total lostness.
total fucked-upness.

you feel bad right?
cos the 2nd person'll be sad.
at the same time,
you're sad yourself.

hahas.
what a joke.

amithaba.
gonna be a nun.
and suggestions?
what's the oppo of shaolin uh?
linshao ni gu yuan ma?

dumb.
dumb. dumb.
dumb. dumb. dumb.
dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb.

numb.
numb. numb.
numb. numb. numb.
numb. numb. numb. numb.

for a moment i tot it was numb.
but den i realised i was just being dumb.
how sad.

nights.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 12:39 am

21/12/08

things dun always go our way.
in fact,
things always dun go our way.

that's just life.
right?

sometimes we know
by doing this we'll suffer

heartbreaks, loneliness, disappointment
despair, desperation,
heartaches, numbness.
any fucking feeling you can think of

any feeling at all.
but happiness.

damnit.
work this few days was damn boring.
and this morn was the worst of all.
fuck.

dear god,
the only thing i ask of you
is to hold him when i'm not around
when i'm much too far away.

cos i'm lonely and i'm tired
i'm missing you again.
hais.

we knew we'd suffer
but still we pull ourselves in
we can't pull,
den we'll push
push ourselves into misery.

down deeper .
and deeper.
until we become totally numb.

but before feeling numb,
we get upset.
we get disappointed.
we wanna cry.
we cried.
we torture ourselves.
urgh.
fucking humans.
and their fucking feelings.

fuck the feelings.
fuck the world.
fuck the boys.
and fuck the girls.

damn.
so vulgar.
dun bother reading this post.
its rubbish.
utter rubbish.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:23 pm

20/12/08

with all that was said and done.

one word to describe my feelings right now.

F
U
C
K
E
D
U
P.

dun fucking ask me y.
i'm jus pissed.
damnit.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 8:55 pm

13/12/08

take a breath
i pull myself together
just another step until i reach the door
you'll never know the way
it tears me up inside to see you
i wish that i could tell you something
to take it all away

sometimes i wish i could save you
and they're so many things that i want you to know
i won't give up until it's over
if it takes you forever i want you to know

that if you fall, stumble down
i'll pick you up of the ground
if you lose faith in you
i'll give you strength to pull through
tell me you won't give up
cause i'll be waiting if you fall
you know i'll be there for you

if only i could find the answer
to take it all away..

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 12:31 am

12/12/08

jb again today.
ydae rather. whatever.

hahas.
mummy and me.
alone time.
talk talk talk.

oh,
i tink the song a lonely september is nice!
hahas.
not that it wasn't nice before.

but i tink its totally nice now.
so true.
hahas.

nights.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 1:13 am

10/12/08

its funny how you can know a person for only a short while and feel like you've known him for like so long already.

its funny too how you can think you know a person but it turns out that he wasn't who you thought he was.

thanks to my experiences, i realised that there isn't such thing as a best friend.

ha.

it wasn't recent experiences though. happened way back.
i decided then and there that ''best friends'' do not exist in my dictionary.

close friends who knows you well,
friends who might be there for you when you need them
but might not as well.

ultimately,
i think you're your own best friend.
for you're the one who'll accompany you through thick and thin
come what may.

thank yourself today!
thank the person in the mirror.

next time you look in the mirror,
be thankful,
for that's the person who has always stood by you all this years,
no matter what happened,
he was always there for you.

THANK YOU FELICIA!

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:48 pm

9/12/08

200th post.
hahas.

so lame.
my lil bro is sick =(
family oh so quiet.

had dinner with beloved yiqi.
and i walked home from hougang.

nice and long walk.
mayb i should do dis whenever i've the chance.
not much though
since my parents have set a curfew for me again.

hais.
tot bout things i should have forgotten.

wondered about things that made me sad.

i took an hour plus to get home!

and my mummy dun believe i walked alone.
hais.
wad's left when trust is gone?

seems so meaningless.
y bother asking when you're not gonna believe me anyway.

damnit.

i shall stay happy.

help me won't you?

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:32 pm

i'm not gonna FIL again.

at least for now.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 2:00 am

8/12/08

ngee ann sucks!
i dun wanna work dere again!

from 5-11 the queue never stopped!
damnit.
i was so damn pissed off.

but anyway,
my lil bro accompanied me to have dinner at buangkok even when he was so tired.
awww.
sweetnwss right.
thanks xiaodi!

gonna huan tai shui tml.
lalalas.

den sians.

urgh.

sleeping soon i guess!
nights

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 2:32 am

4/12/08

i'm so doomed for tml's paper.
i can't seem to get anything into my head.
man, fuck.

damnit.

oh,
do you noe your call motivated me?

hais.
fuck MIP luh.

helpless.
damnit.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 11:07 pm

2/12/08

paper today was great!

cos i didn't have much time to stone

and it wasn't as bad as i expected.

thanks to the GROUP esp javey, kian how and xu jing.

THANKS! =)))

i'm so happy.

oh yeahs.
and thanks to my girlfriend.

for the LUCKY ____ =P

really motivated me luh.
like.
really.

paper tml.
mugging tonight.

loves.

`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:52 pm