27/7/09
我很难受
很辛苦
我需要你
because i noe you can make me feel better.
only you can.
your hug alone.
is enough.
i need your shoulders again.
Indecisive
Lonely
Only
Very
Extraordinary
Youthful
Opposing
Understand.
but i'm scared =((
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 1:20 am
26/7/09
Finally my blogger hao liao!
but irritating.
i can't change font,
can't change font colour!
what's happening?
dunno.
maybe same thing that's happening to my heart.
there can only be one.
you know it.
one kinda font,
one kinda colour.
colours brighten your life though you know?
but,
too many choices,
and you'll be stuck.
do you not agree with me?
my heart of stone overpowered the heart of clouds .
i dunno if it was made clear enough
cos,
i don't think i phrased it all clearly.
hopefully,
you understand,
i really didn't mean to hurt anyone.
i really didn't wish to.
i'm really sorry.
i know nothing i say will help
that's why i just said i'm sorry.
i really am.
i wasn't playing with your feelings
i swear.
it's just that...
maybe it just doesn't fit.
we aren't meant to be.
thank you for all that you've done for me.
sending me to sch early in the morn
even though you slept at like 5.
coming to fetch me home
even thou you were so tired.
giving in to my addiction to jubeats
spending unnecessary money on me
i'm really grateful.
even though it may be just merely a month,
but you've brought joy to me
half a year's worth of joy
in just a month.
i'll not forget you.
the way i made you tear.
i'm sorry.
the way you looked when i said words which were obviously v hurting
i'm sorry.
it's hurting me.
just thinking about the times we spent together
the times when you accompanied me while i studied,
while i worked.
you never complained.
never was angry with me.
i really appreciate everything.
but i dun wanna spend time with you,
while thinking of someone else.
i dunno how to please 2 people at one point of time.
they call me a player =((
i dunno why.
i dunno how to two time.
i can't tell 2 ppl i miss them at the same time.
i can't talk to one without feeling guilty about the other.
why call me a player?
why say that i'm playing with guys?
i really seem that way to you ppl?
that cheap?
any idea how hard it is for me?
i didn't ask for this.
seriously.
i need a hug =((
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:02 pm
25/7/09
Now there isn't even a box for me =(
everything's cocked up.
But i think last night helped me make my decision
did it?
it still feels better in your arms.
nope, you never made me feel that way before.
last night was the first
and i'm kinda surprised that you're capable of that too
cos you never were like that before.
is this gonna be e start of something?
if this were true,
it's gonna mean it's the end of something
it's making me cry =((
i'm sorry.
for all the people i've hurt.
it feels like a punishment right now
a very cruel one.
no wonder mummy always said,
when god wants to punish you,
they usually do not hurt you directly
they do so to your love ones.
den you'd feel even more hurt
cos you see your loved one hurting so badly
and yet you cant do anything about it.
and for my case,
it's even worse.
I guess the old never fades huh.
the feeling's still there.
i thought you were the 49%
i guess i was wrong.
once this decision is made,
another question would have to be answered.
TRUST.
i forgot how to =(
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 2:16 pm
i dunno what the fuck is wrong with blogger. but i'm still gonna post anyway.
i'm feeling vexed again
hais.
i tot it has calmed down
but nope
it's back again
i feel like a cheater
i feel v bad
but i can't control it
i dunno how to
i felt that way
and i still feel the same way
i dun wan either one hurting
=((
i noe how it feels .
being hurt
feeling the sour thing in your heart
feeling the stone on ur heart
i still regret
fuck
i dun wanna tear anymore
i dun wanna feel like this
why the fuck must this happen
hais.
mummy said something today
she said' i dun think you'll trust guys anymore'
yupps.
although ive never had this thought
but that statement confirmed my feeling.
i think so.
i think i'm paranoid.
mayb?
the three words.
doesn't seem to move me as much anymore.
i'll always have that doubt that it's fake.
not wanting to put in any real feelings for fear of being hurt again.
that 6months were the most horrible moments
always feeling the stone in my heart
grow heavier and heavier.
right now,
no stones.
but some knots that ought to be removed,
unknotted
i need help.
i really can't do this on my own.
but nobody else can help me except myself
that decision has to be made sooner or later
but now's just not the time
cos i still dun wanna hurt either of you =((
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 3:23 am
21/7/09
Blogger is having a fucking problem.and zul asked me to typ this to get an error message.
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 10:08 am
18/7/09
alright.i'm trying to do the hazop here
although i dun really know how to go about doing it
ermm...
i dunno if my data will aid at all for tml luh
but i'm just gonna try
sorry babes! for the absence tml
but you noe wad?
absence makes the heart grow fonder.
okay, crap.
but if it can't be done tml,
i promise i'll be there on sun okay!
CA2 to be handed in on mon.
teacher's so kind as to give us 3 days grace ald.
anyway,
calculus paper's back today!
shocked luh.
i tot i'd be one of those to get 80+
most satisfied MST results turns out to be calculus
hahas.
what the hell.
but kinda expected luh
i noe i didn't put in effort
too many things going on at that time
though the drama is still ongoing
but it's kinda under control at this point of time
at least i'm not so vexed now
i dunno why.
the results are all so fucked up
but at least i didn't fail any modules.
mummy looked so depressed just now
cos the school stupidly sent me this under85% attendance warning letter
den mummy thought i keep skipping classes
dunno go where gui hun
it was only GEMs luh
i even told her when i wasn't going to attend lessons lor..
haiyo..
she looked so grave when i came back
i thought what happened sia..
so.
plant design - buck up
chem reactions - buck up
fluid mech - buck up
EMII - buck up (i fucking didn't get an a!)
plant safety - though hopeless, buck up
bio? - buck up also (eat more gingko nuts ba)
calculus - KEEP IT UP
the only motivation right now
i hope it has enough energy to last and keep me going.
5 more weeks to EST.
you noe you dun wanna repeat.
you noe you dun wanna do badly.
RIGHT!
so please FUCKING WAKE UP YOUR IDEA.
stop fb-ing, audi-ing
whatever sai game you can find
stop trying to distract yourself from the things that has to be done.
ALRIGHT?
5 weeks only.
Den there's a long break for you.
OKAY?
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 1:31 am
8/7/09
OUTING WAS GREAT! i love my girls =)
sch sucked.
today pull myself out of bed cos got e assignment
finish up by 845
idiots.
not enough sleep luh.
luckily noon caught a glimpse of lala land
but not enough luh!
tml cos of prac mus go sch at 8
WALAO.
damn sians.
data sheet not collected,
data sheet not returned.
URGH.
the truth hurts.
now i uds one point of view of that statement.
caught in a dilemma.
how?
can't come to a conclusion.
i dun wanna hurt anyone =(
why didn't it happen earlier?
why is the timing all so wrong?
why ?
my fault
i'm not handling everything properly
i'm not doing things right.
i've got everything all messed up,
and i've only got myself to blame.
why'd you allow such things to happen?
you waited for coming to half a year.
hahas. why didn't you just wait awhile longer?
why didn't you believe in miracles?
because you lost all hope.
because you never thought it would be this way
because you do not trust yourself
because you look down upon yourself
because you thought you definitely wouldn't and couldn't be
because you were feeling lost
because you didn't wanna feel a fool any longer.
but making that decision
led to another making a decision too
a decision you never thought would be.
leading to this situation now
where all's miserable.
i'm really sorry.
i never meant for it to be this way.
=(
i'm sorry .
i dunno how much more time i need.
i hope it'll be soon.
but i really dun wanna hurt anyone.
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 11:04 pm
4/7/09
still bu gan yuan that MJ's gone.=(
but there's nothing that can be done.
oh well,
last paper today
it wasn't as bad as ydae's paper.
ydae's paper sucked.
man. really shit sia.
quality time spent after the paper
so overall today wasn't bad at all.
seriously.
feels like starting all over again
still unsure of some stuffs
feels kinda.. like..
i dunno how to put in words.
but anyway,
next week starting sch le!
damn sians.
ohhh!!
the 8th's coming real soon
REMEMBER OUR DATE NOT GIRLS?
think think where to makan kie?
cant wait .
at least something to look forward to next week.
hehe.
LOVEs.
MUACKs.
`feLicia took an umbrella @ 12:16 am
